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Personal Background

This memorial website was created by Jamie Lynne Coggan in loving memory of her daughter Kylee Lynne Coggan. It was sponsored by Kylee's Papa Dan.

Kylee was born on December 2nd 2007 and sadly passed away in her sleep on March 7th 2008 at the age of 3 months and five days.

Kylee is survived by her mother Jamie, father Brian Anthony Coggan, and her brother Mikel Anthony Coggan.

Kylee is missed greatly by family and friends and will be remembered forever. Our beautiful little angel.

ONE ANGEL by Jamie Coggan

If I had one wish

You’d come back to me somehow,

If I had just one wish,

You’d be in my arms right now.

If I had one hope,

It’d be that you are still happy now,

If I had just one hope,

I would hope you were safe and sound.

If I had one cure,

It would be for sudden infant death,

If I had just one cure,

It’d be decades till you took your last breath.

If I had one dream,

To keep dreaming for the rest of time,

If I had just one dream,

I would dream you were not gods, but mine.

If I had one sound,

Too share with others along life’s path,

If I had just one sound,

I would share your heartwarming laugh.

If I had one angel,

Who would look over me in all that I do,

If I had just one angel,

The angel I’d choose would be you.

If I had one day,

And there was nothing I couldn’t do,

If I had just one day,

I’d come to heaven and spend it with you

If I had one word,

Only one word that I could speak of,

If I had just one word,

Sweet angel, that word would be love.

I love you Kylee!

Kylee was born December 2nd 2007, five days after her due date and the labor was less than an hour long… I loved her already. The doctors brought Kylee to me so I could see her and then took her to the back to get her cleaned up. About two hours later, I am still waiting to get her back and talking on the phone to my mother-in-law and a nurse comes in. She seemed irritated that I was on the phone, so I got off and asked her what was going on. She told me Kylee was in respiratory distress and after a lung x-ray, they had diagnosed her with Pneumothorax. That is the medical term for having air trapped outside of the lungs. The put her under an oxygen hood for three days, and I visited her all the time. The third day they told me she was good as new and could come home. She slept in my room next to my bed for the first two months, sometimes lying by my side eating off and on all night. She would stare at me every time I was talking to someone as if she was fascinated by me. She adored her daddy too, smiling every time he talked to her. Two weeks before she was three months old, we went on a trip to California so the family could meet our perfect daughter. My son Mikel, who is three, was excited to show off what a good big brother he had become. We got back from the trip March 2nd, and I had to go back to work and was studying hard for a test. March 7th, I got a call at work saying I had to get a health assessment at 11 or my commander (military) would be called. That was the time I always took lunch, but I agreed because I had fed Kylee later than usual anyways. I told my Brian to put Kylee down for a nap while I was at my appointment and I would get her up and feed her when I got home. When I came home around noon, we threw lunch in the microwave, smoked and I headed upstairs to get her. I found her laying in her Moses basket splotchy and bluish looking and ran downstairs with her yelling for my husband to call 911 and get in the car so we could drive back to the clinic. My husband was frantic, and Mikel looked scared like he didn’t really know what was going on. While he called I lied her down on the pool table and started giving her CPR, some fluid came out of her mouth. I gave her CPR on the way… the two minute drive felt like forever. When we got inside people surrounded trying to help and praying. I kept asking if she would be okay, and a nurse told me she had opened her eyes, and that was a good sign. The whole time I was trying to stay calm so I wouldn’t scare Mikel… trying to explain to him that Kylee stopped breathing and the doctors were going to make her better. The ambulance took an hour to arrive, and we followed it to the hospital. There they took us into a cold quiet room and the doctor told us they tried, but they could not get her brain to respond. After the initial shock, I asked to see her, and I went inside and held her and kissed her. Her belly was still warm, and I just wanted her to open her eyes so bad… but it never happened. I just held her and cried. I never imagined I would be saying goodbye to my perfect healthy daughter.

Parents are not supposed to outlive their children!

IF YOU HAD A VOICE by Jamie Coggan

If you had a voice,

And it was something you could do,

When I whisper “I love you” into the sky,

Would you say you love me too?

If you had a voice,

Would you have let me know?

Would you even have warned me at all,

Or were you ready to go?

If you had a voice,

And some time with god alone,

Would you tell him that you’re happy now,

Or that you’re ready to come home?

If you had a voice,

And nothing had gone wrong,

Would you have told me you were proud,

To have me as your mom?

If you had a voice,

Would you tell me heaven’s address?

I would send some milk, blankets and toys,

And a beautiful new dress.

If you had a voice,

Would you let your momma know,

When you learn to crawl, take your first steps,

How much you have grown?

If you had a voice,

And god had asked you,

Would you tell him that you needed me,

To come take care of you?

If you had a voice,

Would you tell me what heaven is like?

Who feeds you, who holds you, who tucks you in?

Who kisses you goodnight?

If you had a voice,

And god gave us one more day,

But you had a voice…

What would you say?

Mikel still asked if when we could get Kylee back from the hospital for a while. Know he knows that she is in heaven, but still sings about her. (You’re beautiful, it’s true, and Kylee’s world… taken from “Elmo’s world”) He points out toys and dresses at stores and says “Kylee would like that.” When he burps, he says “I burp like Kylee mom.” Sometimes when certain songs come on the radio, like “Clumsy” by Fergie, which Daddy and Kylee had their first dance to, he makes sure we know that it is Kylee’s song. I love the way my little three year old son, not even purposely, can keep so many memories alive!

GONE by Jamie Coggan

Sometimes it’s hard to picture

A smile on you face

So hard to forgive god

For taking you from this place

I try to fall asleep at night

Just to see you in my dreams

It feels so good to hold you

Your face, it really gleams

I wake up every morning

And peek into your room

Just a picture of you smiling

Never finding you.

I go through every day

Right from the start

With a lump inside my throat

A sinking feeling in my heart

What could I have done different

The things I wish I said

Would you have even understood me

Regrets play in my head

I try to hold my tears in

Not letting a single one drop

For fear that if I start crying

The tears will never stop

I wonder if the pain I feel

Will ever go away

I wonder if you’re happy

And if I’ll see you again someday

I wish I could go back, skip work

Spend that day with you instead,

Maybe now I wouldn’t have to say it

She’s dead, my baby’s dead!

I know that it might sound

Like a selfish way to be,

But how is it that god,

Can need you more than me?

Kylee is a beautiful girl that was always smiling. People would come up to us while we were shopping or out to eat and ask if they could touch her and compliment her beauty. No matter how bad of a day I was having, I always looked forward to spending my hour and a half lunch playing with her. The way she smiled would make anyone smile back. She was our little angel while she was here, and I am glad I got to spend 3 months with her. I will always remember the first time she laughed… in the bathtub 2 days before she died. It was so adorable I almost cried. She will always be my little angel.

GODS CRUEL GAME By Jamie Coggan

I wanna scream,

And I wanna cry,

And I wanna give her every single day of my life.

I’m holding on,

I’m not sure why,

I would give up everything I have, just to hear her cry.

Don’t say its fate,

Don’t just stand there,

Say things happen for a reason, well, I just don’t fucking care.

It’s still not right,

No, this isn’t fair,

How can you take away my baby girl, she only just got here.

Just give her back,

What do you need her for?

I gave her all the love I had, I doubt you could give her more.

You just sit on high

Look out heavens door,

I hope she hates you every time she see’s me here, crying on the floor.

How can I forgive?

How can I just forget?

I’m gonna sit here mad, remembering, and throw a god damn fit!

Feel so betrayed,

This can’t be legit,

God, say it was a joke, and end this game, I can’t take no more of it.

Try to go to sleep,

It just feels wrong,

So I’m up by 3 am, and I’m wondering where my girl has gone,

Praying but I’m mad,

So hard to go on,

I know you hear my prayers god, what the fuck is going on?

I sat at church,

I sang your name,

If you’re not guilty god, then tell me, who else am I supposed to blame?

With the power to save,

And to kill- the same

Well god, kill me too cause I don’t wanna be, a pawn in your cruel game.

Mother of Two by Jamie Coggan

I walk with my son,

They don’t have a clue,

I am a mother,

A mother of two.

Drive myself crazy,

And cry in the rain,

I am a mother,

A mother in pain.

The book of my life,

I won’t turn the page,

I am a mother,

A mother in rage.

God took one child,

And left one down here,

I am a mother,

A mother in tears.

I miss my Kylee,

She went up above,

I am her mother,

A mother in love.

I saw her lie there,

In such disbelief,

I am a mother,

A mother in grief.

When people ask me,

God, though she’s with you,

I say I’m a mother…

A mother of two.

YOU ARE MY ANGEL!!

Background lyrics:

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
And now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away
So far away

Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive
Alive

(Chorus)
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

Darling I never showed you
Assumed you'd always be there
I took your presence for granted
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared

(Chorus)

Although the sun will never shine the same again
I'll always look to a brighter day
Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray

(Chorus)

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say

MOMMY LOVES YOU!

Tears By Jamie Coggan

Don’t look at me that way,

You don’t understand my tears.

You ask me why I’m crying today,

But know I’ll be crying for years.

You think my pain’s insignificant,

Because I often have to hide it,

But my heart is aching silently,

With so much hurt stuck inside it.

I have no words to explain to you,

I can’t control when it strikes.

The most overwhelming sadness,

It’s a feeling I just can’t fight.

Each day you see me here crying,

And you just don’t understand,

My heart is broken beyond repair,

Neither glue tape nor bandages can.

My daughter is up in heaven now,

Though I feel she should not be,

And never will I understand,

Why she isn’t right here with me.

I have lost something precious,

Something I cannot replace.

So please just try and understand,

When tears stream down my face.

God creates some very special little angels, our Kylee is one of them. From the day she was born, she was loved, from the day she smiled, we smiled back, from the moment she died, she was missed!

"She's not at the hospital anymore mommy, she's in heaven."

Kylee got along with Auntie Kati, and got to spend some quality time with her during her trip to California. Just hearing Kylee cry made her sad. Auntie Kati- you are a great aunt!

Kylee, I love you and miss you so much. It is hard to cope with having you in our lives one minute, and then you are just gone. It's hard to not dwell on wishing we could go back to that day and know, and still have you.

Clara made me listen to this song. She said she was listening to it in her room, and it made her think of you. She just looked over at your picture and smiled. I guess this song reminds a lot of people of you baby girl. We love you Kylee Co.

Who you'd be today.

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
Wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can't believe you're gone

Chorus:

It ain't fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
The death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today

Would you see the world?
Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family?
I wonder, what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy

Chorus

Today, Today, Today
Today, Today, Today

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know I'll see you again someday

Someday, Someday

My Baby Girl by Jamie Coggan

I looked into your eyes,

And I was love struck.

You touched my heart,

And the fingerprints stuck.

I kissed your cheeks,

And watched you smile,

You made me cry,

And it was all worthwhile.

I held your little hands,

So cute and so small,

You completed the circle,

Now we had it all.

I tucked you in,

And I said good night.

I walked away slowly,

It all felt so right.

I had no idea,

That you would not stay,

You could not tell me,

You were going away.

I came home one day,

And found you there blue.

Daddy rushed to the clinic,

They tried to save you.

I went into a room,

They said you were gone.

You weren’t coming back,

Your brain wouldn’t respond.

I looked in your eyes,

With a pain no one knows,

You broke my heart,

Every day, the crack grows.

I kissed your cheeks,

And watched you lie still,

You made me cry,

I needed you still.

I held your little hands,

But they did not hold back.

The circle was broken,

The strongest impact.

I tucked you back in,

And I said good bye.

I walked away slowly,

Continue to cry.

When a parent dies, you lose your past

When a baby dies, you lose your future!

Dream Girl by Jamie Coggan

She came in this world,

A dream so touchable,

Fashionably late,

She made life incredible.

A smile so big,

A face so beautiful,

Capturing our hearts,

With a soul so magical.

With big blue eyes,

A gaze so mystical,

Hands reached out to touch,

Just so irresistible.

She left this world,

A dream so breakable,

Unfashionably early,

Reason unexplainable.

Her smile stays clear,

Face, almost mythical,

Hearts never to be free,

Trapped by death so sorrowful.

She closed her blue eyes,

Her gaze became no more

Hands wiped falling tears

As hearts dropped to the floor.

Latest Tributes

To my DINFOS Airman - I was heartbroken to learn of the heavy loss of your precious child. No grater compliment can be given than to tell the world about the short time you spent together. Your story is moving and truly shows the power of your bond that only a mother can have for her child. Hopefully, through your strength, this terrible tragedy, that takes so many angels from us, can be understood and be prevented from happening again. Thank you for sharing the love of your daughter with me and the world. Your poems are so stirring and tender, I was moved to tears. May God bless you and keep you strong. Your friend, Gary - from Army Sgt. Gary Hawkins

In Our Hearts - We thought of you with love today, But that is nothing new. We thought about you yesterday, And days before that too. We think of you in silence. We often speak your name. Now all we have are memories, And your picture in a frame. Your memory is our keepsake, With which we'll never part. God has you in His keeping. We have you in our heart. - from Papa & Grandma

I got your kiss - An angel kissed my check today, I felt it and I cried. I knew it was a kiss from her. My daughter that had died. I put my hand there gently, To hold her kiss in place. Then heard her whisper softly, “My kiss will never leave your face.” I knew right then that she was there, And listening as I prayed. My angel kissed my cheek today, And then she flew away. - from Mommy

Kylee girl - If we could have a lifetime wish and one dream that could come true We would pray to God with all our hearts just to see and speak to you A thousand words won’t bring you back We know because we’ve tried and neither will a million tears We know because we’ve cried You’ve left behind our broken hearts and precious memories too But we’ve never wanted memories We only wanted you - from Grandma & Papa

Special Angel author unknown - There is a special Angel in Heaven, That is a part of me, It is not where I wanted her, But where God wanted her to be. She was here just a moment, Like a night time shooting star, And though she is in Heaven, She isn't very far. She touched the hearts of many, Like only an Angel can do, I would have held her every moment, If the end I only knew. So I send this special message, To heaven up above, Please God take care of my Angel, and send her all my love! - from mommy

Latest Memories

Tina and Kelsi - I remember the first time we met you was at Wal-Mart at like 2AM after an 18 hour drive from Anderson, you were hungry and tried to suck on my neck...so your mommy and I took you and your cousin Kelsi to the changing room and fed you both.